Not drinking is ahrdest for me, not when I am out with friends, the energy of friends and being in a new place keeps me happy, but when I am trying to get ot of my mind and alone. Hence, me being a problem drinker and substance abuser. Last night I was getting ready for an open mic, one I have done great at in the past, so well that members fromt that open mic reguarly come to actually comedy shows….however, i hadnt performed there since I got Sober, and thus, was feeling extra anxiouse. espcialy because the ngiht before went badly…
but it went great. however, i was at my moms and put a nip in my pocket, and then instead of drinking it just went and boguht candy, but while i was on the t kept rolling it around in my palm thinking of the release it would give, and then to make me not drink i just thoguht about getting a buzz from coffee, then i perofrmed and felt relazed afterwords….its so fucking interesting and i met some nice people last night.
not isolating dose wonders, being thankfull, that deos wodners and not thinknig i know how people will react, THAT is a big lesson i asume ill let people down or whatever, really…i need to out out the best work i can and what i beleive in, and then give it over to god because after that, its not in my control. yes, it isnt in my control, i will do my best.. (im realizing this AS I TYPE) do my best matireal, my best networking, everything…and tehn it is up to other people and a higher power where it takes me….YAH!
