its been a minute, but im feeling good. i had a show where i got heckeld for looking like a guy, and really didnt do well….and it was a show where i was really hoping to do well, had kind of rested weather or not i wanted to do comedy onm that show, i walked arounda fterowrds and got ciegrerats, thoguht about how much i wanted to xap my mind had that total addict type thikning went in a liquor store, looked at the booze, but just didnt drink.
and thank you god, because my roomate left his window open and water got through to my room, making auge mess. i had woke up deprresed and drunk in that situation, it would have been so…horible. the weekend was a challange, thoguh, my moms family drinks alot and being sober makes me kind of notice my moms drinking habits, i wonder if she is free from the strains of drinking, i did have one glass of wine one of the nights, and that i was able to then not get totally wasted made me wonder, but i didnt let it feel me, and i stoped at the one, it was hard, but i just didnt want to let my mind go…i didnt want to…i feel like iv been drunk or fucked up for years, which i kind of have actually…now that i think about it, so…yeah this is a whole interesting experience, and im nervouse, and scared, and happy to be having it. thanks god, and whoever might read this.
i felt pretty self distructive last wend two, and went to spend the ngiht at an ex’s i could say no to her, so spent money on a cab, which i shoul not have, and went over there…it was dumb and then i was made for doing it and we got ina fight and i was nagry and tiered….LIFE is CRAZY. living is pretty…astounding, i cried on the taxi ride over, and those were thigns i asnt letting myself feel before…interesting. i also thoguht abput herion, thats where my addict mind visualiztion goes…but i didnt drink or do anyithng…so boo yaah!
